Depressed Again

Oh god I'm a nut case.
I was having a hectic, but good, day. I had to take mum from one shop to another which was hard but I coped.

I think that it was the timing more than anything that got me. I was still recovering from the trip into town when mum decided to get shouty and angry about the kitchen. Stress and fear. I was safe at home be I still flipped out into the loony land where everyone wants to kill me.

I wanted to cut. So badly I wanted to slice open my wrists and bleed to death. The risperidone was/is doing its job. It is keeping away the voices, just barely though.

My head aches, my body aches. Flu with suicide thats what my depression is. I hate the drunken, hyper feeling that I sometimes get but it is so much better than this. I cannot possibly bear this for much longer.

The feeling, it will pass. I know it. I'm crying now. I was almost happy earlier. Fuck ! Its painful.

Its almost convenient. I have to go to the doctors tomorrow for pills and another sick note. Just when I was starting to feel like I was skiving I get knocked down like this. I'm still not well am I? Im still pretty mental.