Arrival On a Psychiatric Ward
I'd been trying to kill myself, three times over about a month. Two overdoses and one hanging.
Ruth was scared, she came to the house and began calling doctors. It was new years day so I had to go to the out of hours gp at hallamshire general hospital.
It was a strange appointment. I dont remewmber much of it . HE asked me about my suicide attempts and then left to make telephone calls.
Back at home and about an hour or two later the crisis intervention team arrived. There were two of them. They asked the same kind of questions as my gp, they wanted to look at the cuts on my arm. I told them that I would kill myself that night. They started to talk about hospital and then went outside to make telephone calls whilst I had to pack a bag of clothes.
They took ruth and I in their car through sheffield to a hospital. I followed them to a ward and was ushered into a room where I waiting with Ruth and cried.
I waited there for ages until at last I was seen by someone that asked me the same questions as the gp and the crisis team Then she lead, with gently but fixed smile to a bed. Then Ruth had to leave and I diddnt want her to go. I was so scared. I started crying again.
The people in the smoking room seemed happy to see me. They wanted to know why I was there "I keep trying to kill myself" I answered. They seemed a little dissapointed that I wasnt being held on a section.
Some time passed and I was given pills then I went to bed.
The entire day is difficult for me to remember, it is more a series of events without any context or emotions. I remember finding it diddifuclt to speak I couldnt express myself properly and people were always asking me to repeat myself. I remember being very concerned that had not eaten that day and then being taken to the kitchen where I took a tuna sandwidge. People kept talking to me but I diddnt really understand them. I was self conscious about my apperaance and was obsessed that I should be gracious and charming.
I wonder what It will be like the next time I am taken to hospital. I'm pretty sure that there will (eventually) be a next time.
Ruth was scared, she came to the house and began calling doctors. It was new years day so I had to go to the out of hours gp at hallamshire general hospital.
It was a strange appointment. I dont remewmber much of it . HE asked me about my suicide attempts and then left to make telephone calls.
Back at home and about an hour or two later the crisis intervention team arrived. There were two of them. They asked the same kind of questions as my gp, they wanted to look at the cuts on my arm. I told them that I would kill myself that night. They started to talk about hospital and then went outside to make telephone calls whilst I had to pack a bag of clothes.
They took ruth and I in their car through sheffield to a hospital. I followed them to a ward and was ushered into a room where I waiting with Ruth and cried.
I waited there for ages until at last I was seen by someone that asked me the same questions as the gp and the crisis team Then she lead, with gently but fixed smile to a bed. Then Ruth had to leave and I diddnt want her to go. I was so scared. I started crying again.
The people in the smoking room seemed happy to see me. They wanted to know why I was there "I keep trying to kill myself" I answered. They seemed a little dissapointed that I wasnt being held on a section.
Some time passed and I was given pills then I went to bed.
The entire day is difficult for me to remember, it is more a series of events without any context or emotions. I remember finding it diddifuclt to speak I couldnt express myself properly and people were always asking me to repeat myself. I remember being very concerned that had not eaten that day and then being taken to the kitchen where I took a tuna sandwidge. People kept talking to me but I diddnt really understand them. I was self conscious about my apperaance and was obsessed that I should be gracious and charming.
I wonder what It will be like the next time I am taken to hospital. I'm pretty sure that there will (eventually) be a next time.
posted by The Little Lost Ghost at 7:28 PM
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