How very myspace

I had a bad day today. Very bad. I diddnt hallucinate - for which I can thank my anti-crazy meds. But I wazs having every other symptom.

Its unbearable.

I had a good chat about it with Ruth and, together with a good lie dowen, she made me feel better. But it was hellish.

I am so afraid of this mental-health problem. It can fall upon with with hardly any warning and it is wrecking, it has wrecked, my life.

At least I recover quite quickly from the episodes now. A few months ago one would hit me and I would stay that way for days, weeks. No wonder I was trying to kill myself It really was the only sane reaction to what I go though.

Now I have to apologise. By way of explination Ruth has been doing a poetry course at Sheffield Uni. Consequently I have been listening to an awful lot of poetry lately. I know how insufferably lame and myspace'y amature blog poetry is but...

(I'm Sorry)

___Thoughts of Madness___

Pushing warmly upon
the bubbles of glass
That cover my thoughts
which show me the rain

Silk, dust and angels in my clouds
But for the pressure and violence of the Devils on my glass
Nectar and oils would wash across my gaze

But the Devil’s thoughts
They crack my glass
They join in the rain

Sight and insight
Once pure and gold
Now made rotten
By thoughts all wrong

Raining now with spite the Devil’s thoughts
Truth scattered upon my broken glass
Until the bubbles heal
As they always do
Thence to break again.